Friday

My drinking problem


Lets be clear on this before I begin. I like a good drink or two. Only a few years ago I was able to drink wine, spirits, shots – you name it, and plenty of it - fairly easily and without too much of a problem the day after.

I wish I could give more of a worthy reason for my own teetotalism (not that I’m entirely militant) but the fact is that the aftermath simply proves far too much for me these days. Most people get a headache, feel sick, tired, generally like rubbish all day…of late for me it involves extreme fatigue which spans for around a fortnight, a never ending, crazy appetite for salty junk foods and feeling extremely drained, faint, cold and light headed for a good few days. The suffering becomes completely disproportionate to the level of indulgence.

All this seems like an idea not to drink, does it not? How I wanted to ignore it, but eventually the penny dropped. Perhaps, I thought, someone was telling me something.
But I resisted. Went to my doctor. Attempted to raise my blood pressure, which is low. Blamed it on an iron deficiency. Nothing worked. So, after many more weeks spent on the sofa feeling faint and much grumbling, I stopped drinking.

It certainly has its benefits. I get to feel smug and happy during a night out when I take a look around, knowing that I will be the only one to wake up without a headache, also in the morning when I'm fresh and can begin the day. I’m thinner. My mind feels clearer. I feel more emotionally stable, which helps. I'm in control. (Kind of.)
It had its cons. I miss being tipsy and the joy and devil may care feeling that comes with inebriation. Everyone always wants to meet for drinks to celebrate, commiserate, conversate…everything. People treat you like you have a disease or spend all evening trying to force alcohol on you. People spend all evening asking in horror and amazement why you don't drink. People become odd and suspicious of you. They think you're judging them, or that you're a control freak who doesn’t want to let go, or that you’re boring. All because you don’t want to share a bottle of wine. I still love to go out and dance…although my threshold for hearing the same joke twenty times or dancing to rubbish music is much lower.

Please do me a favour on behalf of people who don’t drink, everywhere. I’m writing this because I care. If you have a friend who doesn’t drink, for whatever reason. Do not spend all night saying ‘just have one.’
Have one for us, and deal with it.



Monday

Mum

Yesterday marked the passing of a very special lady.



God rest your soul.
Miss you.
Y x


Tuesday

Connecting People

Today was different. Shooting a commercial on location in central Cape Town.You probably don’t need to be an industry person to know that filming just about anything for television involves at least the best part of an hour in hair, make up and wardrobe…a million hours waiting around, and then the longest day(s) on set . Today on set we had wrapped in a very very short amount of time. A record amount of time. 
In fact, I am sitting at home wondering if I actually went to work today.

Sometimes one country is just like the other in that you never feel as though you belong, or even as though you will stay for very long. Acquaintances that you make for the day speak at you in English (partly) but with differences in flavour, tone and turn of phrase. It  interesting or cute, attractive, or just strange. 

Anyway, as times goes on, I find that I am forgetting the art of polite chatter. I used to be so good at it! It seems that I am actually becoming less refined.  It is a phase, or down to getting older? 

There seems to be lots to think about, always. More to deal with and more to do. I get tired. Very. Quickly. 

I relax and listen, zoning in and out of conversations a lot lately (where there are more then two people of course – I am never rude, I hope.)  I am quietly relieved when a conversation begins and other people take over. Am aware that my silence come off as shy, disinterested, or vague. 
Perhaps I am neither, and maybe I am all three.


Saturday

On the beach at sunset.

My agency probably wont use these pics as they are less commercial than the ones of me that they would usually use, but I wanted to share them here anyway. Mariska Van Der Brink (photog), Densisha, Sibu and I decided to do a last min beach shoot late afternoon on the beach. Here are a few of the shots.




They were an amazing team.
It got very cold on that beach though!

Thursday

Cape Morning

Today I did a shoot on Llandudno beach, lay down, felt the sun on my face and looked out at the sea.
It felt more then good. I was listening to nothing, but hearing everything.